Memories, 2009.

If I could really paint each of my memory in a book of canvas, I would! Because it could make me feel so much better and my heart would feel more lighter. It's very true that every person you meet teaches you about something you never knew it was there in the first place. God, remember how your life journey had passed by until now? Because I do. I have this kind of habit where I will change my perfume's scent every year. Bc every year this scent resembles different event in my life. I remember things thru smell. Haha I know it sounds weird for some people, but hey God created us in diverse, with different personality so I'd like to know, if possible can you write down how you remember something in your life? What would you do to reminisce back? 

Back in year 2009, I still remember about me picking up a deodorant for the first time. The year I started to learn using deodorant spray , and I used rexona based on my grandma's suggestion. You know how rexona have these many kind of scents for the spray only. Specifically the teenagers' one I meant. To choose which spray wouldn't make my nosetrills itchy and sneeze also took me some time until my mum gone mad and asked me to stop using rexona haha. Whenever I saw these spray bottles, my mind would play back these memories. And the time where every morning before went to school, I'd spray herr so many things happened. Havent told how I changed many times each spray every month. It was so hard to stick with one because my hot teenage phase blood just run in my veins made my life chaotic and peculiar (kot). 

These 3 sprays, what I meant 😛

And the part where I did many lame and ludicrous things. No joke guys, I dont know how I could actually do this kind of thing. Like okay I confessed to everyone in my school (in that year, I was standard 6) I liked this one boy. Uh the funny part he already had a girlfriend but I didnt know tho. Serious, I swear! I just moved from kl to my old school in kedah, I lived in kl for 3 years since my mum lives in that hectic city (since I primary 7 until now). Then she brought me back to live with my grandma. On my first day of school, I got teased by my homeroom boys which they made me so irritated and urged to show my middle finger to them. It was a huge mistake I've ever done in my entire life ok.. they were startled and then jerit ah terkejut, pe gi dan I pun terzekut dengan diri I 😂😂 

So ok I liked this boy and his mum was actually a teacher in that school too brrr. I basically had this tomboy-ish character the reason why many teachers blacklisted me. Huhu plus I loved playing hockey and always got knocked with my coach bc playing around is my thangggg lol. I mean, ok back to real story his girlfriend knew about this ye lah I cakap kat ramai sah lah dia tahu and..sah lah I kena but we didnt fight we just hantar surat then things settled?? Fun fact juga I got rejected. Ehh takda lah malu sangat sebab bebudak lagi tapi gila bila ingat balik memang taktau malu lah I dulu 😂 Lol and it was so stupid too.. even until now whenever I meet that boy I will erm blush?? Malu kot haha. Typical anis doing thing without putting/placing her mind along, the reason why I always end up do idiotic and lunatic things. I think I have a crackedhead tho 😂🔫 Shiz if I could turn back the time and fix back, I would because hell I cannot stand how malu I will be forever dengan my schoolmates bila I jumpa balik 🙄😂🔫

Hmmm, I guess I will just leave it until here. Catching up again later insyaallah. Have a good day, may Allah bless! 

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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Saturday night thoughts

Sometimes when we whining about something, have we ever thought deeply about the thing that we would say tu? It happens when you say, 'nobody cares for me.', 'nobody loves me'. Dont get mad, but did you realize that you say those words not in front of somebody else? Yes you cry, but not with their conscience so how come they know you have a problem, right? If you want to say, they're your bestfriends and they supposedly have that telepathy or soulmate calls kind of thing with you then you might have never experienced to live in a busy life. They have their own lives, just like you, if they want or need you they'll find you then diorang pun macamtu dengan you. If you need them then go talk to them. Nowadays, people tend to get busy but if they act like, it's so hard to make a time for you, you may just cut them lose from your life, okay? Because they are like an anchor. They will make you sink and cannot move.

 I keep saying these words to myself bcs I know how my heart and brain works. I know I like to keep things from some people. selalu jadi bila your problems are related to another story. When you want to tell someone, you have to start from A to Z and what if they don't understand or can't accept your explanation? What would you feel? It's like you have wasted your precious time for no good reasons so you better bear the pain alone rather than having another kind of hurdle. I cepat melenting, sentap, marah, merajuk, malu and cool juga but I always always feel remorse and horrible when I get mad. Because once I get mad even if you are miles away from me, you still can feel the hotness so no it's not good for anyone's health boleh juga kata macam sinaran radioactive lah huhu. You choose how you want to handle yourself, don't let someone thinks you are not bold enough to go through these shits alone. Peace & may He bless us, have a good day everyone. 

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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I just smile

I feel relief to see everyone is right back on track smiling eventho i couldnt trace whether it is an authentic smile or no. But what can I say everyone has their own story and ink in every page. When we slip to one page, they will ask us to close it. You know sometimes even everything is falling apart, one day it will always fall to the place that they deserve. We cant sure when will the broken parts will heal, but we can have faith that every piece shall fall to the place we should be headed. Because He knows what is right and wrong for us. It takes an outrageous strength to really believe with that. But He has promised in the Quran that His plan is firm. No matter what is going on in our lives, don't let your worries wash away your smile. Don't ever let happiness slip away from you. I know it is hard, even I sometimes would be on my knees, I got wrecked, stumbled upon something. But what I always stick in my mind, this thing will go away someday. I don't know when but I believe it will. I choose to be happy. I choose not to let anyone makes me feel useless. I know I am not a very good person you have ever met but I try every second to fix my mistakes. If I ever did something that crossed our lines, I am so sorry. 

I wish you have a very great life. I might be just a stranger/friends for you but I hope you know I always pray that every hurdle you face will calm one day. He knows why He put you in that spot, He will help you to get through it. Smile, may He bless us. Bye, goodnight! P/s: this is just my 2 cent of thought, sorry for the grammar mistakes ✨😊

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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Something to spill

Hai honestly first I'd like to apologize if this time my words will be spilled out with a non barrier line which mean I will throw any word I prefer to use. I dont understand how some people can act rudely selfish like they owned you when in fact they did not. You know what my dear? The thing you think people give a shit about does not mean anything to them. You don't matter. You need to know what kind of value you are so you can save the worthy self of you from keep on being hammering by someone you hate just to make them feel satisfied because they has successfully knocked you down. Save your tears dearself, things will get better. Preseverance and patience come first. He will replace with flowers once this thing done and give the things you deserve.

People can be easy with you but try at least to put yourself on someone's shoes and stop pointing your finger to them. People that loved you, fought for you then you messed with it up and instead asking for apologize you thrown out a nasty stone cold move to them by keeping on bullied their mental. Oh yes you thought I didnt realize your dirty move? Well you better be aware with this because I did. I have my own way to get back the thing I deserve and should been received since I was little. You screwed it up, you put the burden on me. You buried me deep down under the shitty actions you have made. And you thought I forgot about that oh god sorry I don't and will never forget that. 

I suffered during my childhood, mentally beaten. I tried to do such nonsense thing where Allah would not let me get out from hell if I do, and when I told you about what you have put me through before, you did not give a damn about it. Hell screw you man. What the hell is wrong with your heart? Where the humanity in you? What the fuck is wrong with the god damn assets you store in your soul? Just to make sure it will not be running to me?  So that you can continually be selfish and ask me to accept your true color? I can accept you for who you are and indeed I expected you to do the same thing. Is it hard for you to commit? Is it hard for a grown up human to give respect to someone who younger than them? It will not slice your ego tho not even a bit. It will help you to mend the broken part of what you did to all of us. Be a human at least, have some respect to others and dignity. You dont live in this world alone but first I hope you find your own team to protect what its own and to fix all the thousand shits you have screwed up because honestly we are done fighting for you. 

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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Love-relationship kind of advice 🙇🏻

Songs: Stomach tied in knots, don't you ever forget me and with ears to see and eyes to hear ((acoustic version)) // sleeping with sirens

Assalamu'alaikum, ola pipol ✋🏻

So kalini entry aku nak straighforward ja tulis kot. That's what we prefer kan? Takda drama takda bengkang bengkok terus straight dengan apa yang kita nak sampaikan. So yes this time I'd love to write about being matured and act professional when you're in relationship. I faham perasaan orang perempuan yang insecure dengan perempuan lain tetambah bila perempuan tu rapat dengan boyfriend awak. Ye awak, saya pun perempuan, saya faham dan saya pernah rasa benda macamtu.

Saya tak salahkan awak nak jealous, benda tu memang fitrah dalam diri manusia. Tapi saya cuma harap instead of awak serabutkan diri awak dengan rasa jealous tu lebih baik awak terus tanya minta explanation dari boyfriend pasal budak perempuan yang dia rapat tu. Because one day, trust me you guys need to collaborate and cooperate with opposite gender, so if you haven't tried to control your anger and jealousy by now, awak boleh yakin hubungan awak boleh pegi jauh? Bukan saya nak takutkan awak tapi I really hope from the bottom of my heart, please jangan besarkan benda kecil. Benda boleh bawa bincang, settlekan elok elok. Social media isn't the best place for you to show your weaknesses and problems.

 Semua tu terletak atas diri awak juga, serious no any kind of forcement input here, I wont force you to accept my opinions and yes I respect yours. But please remember this, kita ni student, banyak kerja, assignments, tutorials, and other side snacks yang lecturers bagi. So takda siapa larat nak burden themselves dengan masalah yang awak simpan dalam hati tu. Kalau awak tak luahkan, awak rasa dia akan tau ke? Lelaki ni dia ngok sikit, kalau awak tak terus terang memang sampai ke sudah awak makan hati. Tambah bila dia dah busy dengan kerja lain, dia harapkan awak untuk jangan serabutkan dia dah. Yet you try to give him a good company when he needed. Dengar segala masalah dia memalam, apa yang dia dah lalui sepanjang haritu. Takda siapa suka drama swasta atau awam ni sebab memang sampai jadi sinetron pun dia tak habis. So lebih baik luah je apa awak rasa tu. Tapi biar beradab dan kena dengan cara. And last but not least, saya langsung tak paksa sesiapa untuk terima cara ni, bonne nuit. If he really loves you, he will accept you for who you were and are and he will cherish you no matter what. So don't ever doubting his love towards you. Loyal, honest and trust are the most important thing whether you are in relationship, friendship, scholarship or any kind of ship *pon pon* acah bunyi kapal titanic. And relax, bak kata yuna;

"Real women don't steal from other women. We get our own." 

May Allah bless and stay happy lovelies! (: 

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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Into rock bands and love flowers aren't a crime aite?

Songs: a match into water, kissing in cars and hold on till may // pierce the veil

 Oh assalamu'alaikum, hai, annyeong haseyooooo hahaha so ssup guys? How's life going btw? I aint much happening since I still in holls mood uhuhu. But uyes most of my friends that were from other univs have started with their classes and tutorials, well I wish you all a very good luck! 💪🏻🌚

So hm what will I state according to my topic this time..oh haih I don't know I guess my mum really exchange pr switch my taste in music and life with my brother. We totally have different taste in music and yes taste tu sepatutnya abang aku minat or patut minat tapi nope aku yang gila minat plus it's so not easy for me to play any songs or karaoke dengan dia maighad but yes I respect his likeness in other songs. I also enjoy whenever he plays that kind of songs sometimes..jiwang semua tu. Lol I also dengar jiwang cuma bezanya I am more to rock bands or pop bands. My mum bengang juga bila dengar aku karok lagu tah apa apa, and lol my bestfriend also said kellin quinn's voice macam perempuan and I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE HE LIKE KELLIN QUINN'S VOICE bcs hell yes his voice like so gooooood mayn aiyo!! Lagipun I really believe the part where Dan ((Mark Raffallo)) said to Greta ((Keira Knightley)) in begin again movie,

Dan: "You can tell a lot about a person by what's on their playlist."

Greta: "I know you can. That's what's worrying me."

My friends and bestfriends mostly tak minat macam aku sebabtu bila dorang went through my playlist dorang akan give up and aku lebih suka depa main lagu dalam playlist sendiri ja. Aku layan ja lagu lagu yang lain tu cuma tak gemar sangat ja tapi kalau mood gila mai alah on ja. And K like bands sebab dorang kalau nyanyi lebih genuine and pure for me. Kalau dengar pun lebih jelas plus the meaning behind their lyrics tu shiz I am in love. I am more to deep kind of person so yes understanding the lyrics before like any kind of music memang kerja aku. Lepastu if tengok rock bands the way doeang in reality dengan atas stage lain gila. Contoh macam vic from ptv, aku selalu ingat dia ni gila hardcore tapi sebenarnya dia beer pun tak suka sangat minum lepastu jenis rilek ja. Down to earth pula kellin quinn, bukan harsh macam tattoo kat badan dia tu. We all have that kind of first impression from our first glance that we look at people so diam jangan kata aku judgemental sangat ok. My friends selalu cakap I judge from the way I look at someone/something. You can look into my eyes or my face and you boleh agak what I am thinking about you tapi senanya boleh jadi aku pikir benda lain masatu zz. Plus I try to get to know them juga and I respect the way you want to live your life so who cares, relax sudah.

But if i nak layan kpop pun aku okay ja. My eardrums still can bear the tangled slangs and words of korean people use. Bollywood punnn ni sebab bestfriend aku si dayah monyet tu had cursed me to fall in love with hindustan and it took a year baru that spell nak mengena aku ahahaha. No worries beb cuma malay songs I am more to band juga, macam first band I like cembiasa wings, search tapi kalau sekarang memang hyper act lah serious dorang punya suara makes me fell more to malay songs! See I really like bands, neither malay nor english. Both I ok. So the first thing aku harap, orang yang aku jumpa ada sama taste macam aku kalau bab lagu. Sebab bab makanan I jenis main bantai ja makan as long as dia tangible and halalan toyyiban. Cumanya kalau fav memang tomyam, kangkung belacan dengan bihun sup/tomyam. 

Tapi I also like flowers hahaha gila minat kot cumanya I tak boleh nak gardening sebab ada lah yang aku tak boleh nak cerita kat sini. Idk bunga macam hydrangea, tulips, calla lilies, roses pastu yang lain lagi. Haih one day I will update about flowers but first I need to learn dulu pasal bunga ni. Entah I hope abah approve my permission untuk kerja kat kedai bunga once dah habis asasi ohohoho. Okay so dah lah berleter, yang ni memang random I cerita sebab aku bosan plus tension gengok kedah vs terengganu ni, asyik offside je kijonya aiyo pastu berapa kali trials nak bawa masuk gol tapi hm memang jangan letak harapan lah nanti bengang sampai terjerit hahaha okay joke bye may Allah bless. 

Yesza btw Kedah menang! Paradise yes bye!

 

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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How you control your anger?

So hai assalamu'alaikum ehm I know and I am well aware I shouldnt post things like this since there are times I failed to hold my anger. Yet I wanna share some tips or my 2 cent thoughts.

Aku faham semua orang pernah lalui benda ni, yang mana bila dalam group assignment, ada sorang dua manusia yang tak buat kerja. Yeap sah sah kita akan bengang tambah kalau semua depa tolak bagi kat kita. And surely you will be gone mad, furious like wild lion or even worse than that just so you know come back to your sense, remember we have time we have another few months left to stay and stick thru thick and thin together, don't you think war/fight isn't something worth for us to do now? Friendship bond is what we need to keep it alive and safe. I know, I have went thru the same thing. Kalau nak cakap, last week every day  waktu rehat hampa pi makan aku lari balik asrama ambik laptop aku, pastu esok batt pula terlupa bawa lari lagi balik and i just have 15 mins before my presentation starts. Penat weh, esok tu ambik laptop puff sebab dia sakit and aku takmau susahkan dia balik ambik so I just volunteered myself and ni bukan salah dia and the rest aku lari balik sebab benda sama untuk presentations. Slides kena tolak kat aku sorang. Semua tu aku pun pernah rasa. Yeap I whined actually, merungut marah tapi satu you kena ingat, memang depa tak buat kerja tapi yang dapat ilmu lebih tu kita, we might think we dont need to use that knowledge now but one day we will realize the hikmah. So awak please chill, okay?

Kita diberi pilihan nak luah, maki hamun dekat laman sosial or settle secara baik, rendahkan ego kalau salah minta maaf, kalau tak puas hati cakap terus terang. Tetambah kalau dengan aku, I am really an open person, tak tipu yeap aku mulut celupar ((well I'll try to change that sooner okay? Huhu)). People yang pernah/memang rapat dengan aku tau betapa kasarnya aku tapi when it comes to certain problem and situation yang aku kena act professional, I'll be one. I still know how to tolerate with people no matter how heartless you see me. I dont give a flower about what you think, you can expect me like what you want but if you havent met me, have never ever try to know how I think, my tangled thoughts you have no right to judge or point your finger at me and I have no fucking flower to give to you either mate. Benda boleh settle, boleh bawa bincang satu meja, cakap. Jangan bising sangat. Orang tak suka, orang lain pun pernah rasa penat, marah, bengang ni. And please jaga rasa tu. We're not in school phase no more, we're in univ phase where we need to act like a matured person eventho we're not but there's no harm in trying to act like one tho. Just calm your fucking vein down and smile. Be happy with what you have beside you. At least you have the opportunity to have someone special beside and behind you to hold your back while some people dont, honestly I don't have that one special and I am glad I still survived, so chill.

I try my best to listen every and each problem you have with me with my heart, I'l try to understand. Hope is what makes us as a human. Have faith, don't forget✨

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Maseh dah dtg nengok n singgah shini :*

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